I Know Nothing
One of my thousands of pages of notes that need to be turned into something. (From left to right: Yellow legal pad, a classic Bic blue barrel pen, Macbook Air laptop, and a spiral notebook from Target.)
“In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind, there are few.”
-Shunryu Suzuki (Zen Monk)
“All I know is that I know nothing.”
-Socrates (Greek Philosopher)
“One time I got high and thought I was at a Maroon 5 concert but it turned out to be Train.”
-Geno Mars
Episode 1: The Introduction
As I sip my snifter of eggnog, staring stoically into the fireplace— the camera slowly pushes in. Suddenly, I’m stuck for another word that begins with ‘S’. Stumped, I swerve to face the lens when— Thwack! The camera socks me in the face.
Oh, hi there. I didn’t see you come in. Please, have a seat. Care for an eggnog?
Who Am I, You Ask?
Well, since you’re in my thoughts now— I’m Geno. Geno Mars-Vicario to be exact. But you can call me Geno Mars. Come to think of it, G-Money would be cool, too. It’s your call. Just don’t call me Tristan. I hate that name.
New introductions are daunting, aren’t they? How do I best represent myself to someone who doesn’t know anything about me? I could say anything I wanted to make myself look impressive, and you wouldn’t be the wiser— but I respect you too much for that.
Alright, here’s my one area of expertise. Ready?
Nothing.
Not a gosh darn thing. I know, I know. Every nimrod on the planet has a niche these days. Everyone is an expert on something. There has to be something in the world I’m good at. Some interesting way to brand myself, right?
Nope. 33 years on this planet— well, actually 43, but— 33 sounds better. Superman was 33. Jesus was 33. I’m pretty sure Beyoncé was 33 at some point. You get the picture. 33 years on this planet and still Geno knows nothing.
And neither do you if you’re being honest with yourself. No one knows anything. We’re all winging it in life, aren’t we? Some do it with more confidence than others but deep down inside, every expert you know is full of shit. Influencers and content creators are full of shit. Politicians and the media are clearly full of shit. No one in the history of the world has really ever known anything. It’s comforting and terrifying at the same time.
As for me…
I’m just trying to find my place in this world. I’ve been everything from a TV news director to a rapper, bartender, singer, songwriter, radio DJ, customer service specialist, server, telemarketer, timeshare salesman, comedy writer, stand-up comedian, and a costumed Dr. Seuss character actor—just to name a few.
My Background
My background is a green screen of messy mediocrity, ping-ponging between the worlds of entertainment and customer service. It’s deep, deep lows in an epic, never-ending war with delusions of grandeur. Two and a half decades of being a legend in your own mind and trying to make the world agree, all the while hating yourself and desperately not wanting to be seen.
It’s rebellion, depression, too much confidence, not enough follow-through, self-doubt, perfectionism, and so much more. All on the windy, hilly, gravely, dead-end road that led me here— as an expert in nothing; feeling like time really does pass by faster than you can comprehend. But somehow, through it all, the one gift I gave myself was the habit of writing down all of my random thoughts and observations.
My home is adorned with notebooks, index cards, sticky notes, three-ring binders, laptops, desktops, and phones with literally thousands of pages of Word documents. All ideas meant to blossom into something someday. So, now it’s on me to turn many nothings into many somethings, and in the process, decisively become who I was meant to be.
My Ambitions
My ambitions these days? The delusions of grandeur have fizzled away, only to be replenished with the need to find my place in the world. And maybe win a couple of Grammys. And an Oscar. Host SNL. Become the biggest star on the planet and then have the great honor of pushing the button that launches the nukes. So, nothing outside of reason.
My Values
Truth, decency, justice, equality, and above all—picking apart the absurdity of this life.
What to Expect Here
I’m just going to keep doing what I’ve always done—thinking out loud on paper and digital keyboards, and seeing what happens if I give myself deadlines. And, as an offshoot, hopefully you gain something along the way. My first goal is to entertain myself. My next is to tickle your mind a bit. Anything more than that is just a dollop of ricotta on my rigatonis. I’ll take it. I’ll love every second of it. But I don’t need it.
What’s Coming Next
These pieces I write will be a journey through ego and insecurities, insight and idiocracy, insignificant observations and the existential dread, memories and dreams, passions and fears, society, politics, UFOs, Ninja Turtles, and anything else I’m feeling at the time.
Though at times I will be outspoken and opinionated, I still resign to the fact that I know nothing at all. And I’m fine with that. It keeps things interesting. So buckle up, my little fartknockers, whether you like it or not, you and I are bonded for life now.
Goodnight everybody!
With that I turn away from the camera and rush down the hallway to the potty. I never should have had all that eggnog.
Written By and Starring, Geno Mars-Vicario
We fade to black. Until next week.
